I鈥檓 back in 91直播 after studying abroad this past spring. It鈥檚 been quite a weird semester for a few reasons, in all honesty. As a senior, I鈥檓 very cognizant of how little time I have left, and it already feels like that time is passing by very quickly. Part of me wants it to pass by quickly鈥攊n many ways, being in college feels like 鈥業 just have to make it through this week鈥︹ work-wise. But I also don鈥檛 want to feel at the end of this semester, or in May, that I didn鈥檛 savor my last year here.
It鈥檚 very strange to feel like my senior year so far has been paradoxical in this way. I love many of the things I鈥檓 involved in on campus鈥攆ield hockey, my Honors project, working in the Writing Center. I want to do them, I enjoy doing them, and I know I would regret not doing them. But another part of me feels a certain sense of obligation to keep up these activities, especially when they feel overwhelming or all-consuming. It鈥檚 so difficult to feel like you鈥檙e always rushing from one thing to the next, which is often how I feel.
Yet I also know that these moments are some of the final times I have the chance to do these things. Field hockey is only a fall sport and Honors is just a year-long project, for example. I love field hockey鈥攕imply playing the sport, getting to be with my friends and teammates, and having a strong sense of community through the sport. I鈥檝e played field hockey now for 8 years, and it鈥檚 become a huge part of my life鈥攚hich is surprising to me given that I鈥檇 never considered myself a very athletic person. Similarly, I鈥檓 excited about my Honors project and I know that I would regret not doing it. I love doing research and synthesizing what I鈥檝e found, which is most of what a Honors project is.
It feels very paradoxical that I both feel connected to 91直播 and other people through these activities, that I love doing them and want to do them, and at the same time that I occasionally feel stretched too thin. Maybe part of that is just being a senior, and knowing that time is passing quickly and slowly at the same time. Knowing that there is a finite amount of times I will have a movie night with my housemates, or practice with my teammates, or spend time working on Honors. Those thoughts are both terrifying and comforting at the same time. I know this isn鈥檛 the most uplifting post, but sometimes college isn鈥檛 all that uplifting. Parts of it suck, parts of it are lovely, and most of it is mixed. Right now, it鈥檚 mixed for me. I think that so much of college is those small moments that make you appreciate it more鈥攚hether that鈥檚 writing a really good sentence, or goofing around with friends and teammates, or staying up late to talk with friends. My goal right now is to appreciate those moments without thinking too much about the future.
