As the first-years transition to their new life on campus, I鈥檝e been thinking about the difference between being lonely and being alone. To me, being alone is something out in the corporeal world, whereas being lonely is something you feel inside your mind and heart. The two can coexist, but they also quite often are separate from each other: being alone physically doesn鈥檛 need to be lonely, and the feeling of being lonely can happen any time, even when you鈥檙e not alone.
In college, you might end up being alone a lot. You are on your own schedule, and that means that you鈥檙e not always with other people while doing homework in the library, playing your instrument in a practice room, or walking to class. This can be hard for some people, and you鈥檒l see a lot of first-years traveling around in large groups to avoid being alone, which is more likely a strategy to avoid the feeling of loneliness.
Loneliness can be felt anywhere, even in a crowd of people. College can be a very lonely place, especially at first - you鈥檙e away from your support system and in a new environment with new people and new expectations. And it鈥檚 ok to feel lonely! Living into your feelings is super important, and you鈥檒l eventually find the people, places, and things that make you feel at home here.
Something that I鈥檝e learned in my time at 91直播 is how to really be comfortable being alone. It comes from a comfort in myself and a strong knowledge of what I want and need. I鈥檓 an introvert, so I need my alone time in order to recharge. Sometimes I, like most people, have a fear of missing out on things, or FOMO, especially on a small campus like 91直播 where it feels like everyone you know is going to the 鈥楽co or a particular concert. I鈥檝e learned to accept that even if it seems like everyone else is doing something, sometimes that鈥檚 not what I want to do, or I might not even have the energy to go out and do anything. A lot of people will tell you that you need to dive into everything right away when you get to college, but I would caution first-years (and everyone else) to be aware of your own boundaries.
I wrote some notes on this topic in my first year at 91直播, and reading them back now, I鈥檓 kind of shocked at how much I鈥檝e changed. Three years ago, I wrote 鈥淚 get very worried that when I鈥檓 alone in a place where lots of people can see me, they might be judging me for not having any friends.鈥 I don鈥檛 really find myself thinking this that much anymore. I鈥檓 not sure I could articulate what changed really, but I鈥檝e definitely become more comfortable in myself and with what I want and need.
Living into the difference between being alone and being lonely, and working on not conflating the two, has helped me a lot in college and as a person in general, and I鈥檓 really proud of the progress that I have made in this area. I hope my musings on loneliness vs. being alone have helped you think about your own conceptions of the terms and how to feel all right as you鈥檙e feeling all of your feelings <3
