I spent 14 years of my life growing up in the same place and then, when my time for college rolled around, I left with no tears. The crazy thing is, after a week or two at 91直播, it felt like this is where I鈥檝e always been; like what happened before 91直播 never even existed because this is where I鈥檝e always belonged, as cheesy as that sounds. Given that feeling and the fact that I hadn鈥檛 seen my childhood home in almost two months when I went back for fall break, I had a bizarre week.
I wasn鈥檛 exactly looking forward to going home, which is why the several times my mom asked me 鈥淚s it good to be home?鈥, I would always make a noncommittal noise to neither confirm nor deny my feelings on being back in Ann Arbor. Yes, I liked the fact that I could shower without wearing flip-flops, and that I could sleep in a room where the windows face west (my dorm faces east and mornings are hard for me), and that I got to see my fantastic mother instead of just FaceTiming her, but wow, was it an odd feeling.
I think when it comes down to it, I can鈥檛 get past the idea that Ann Arbor is the city of my childhood, just as I鈥檓 sure that once I leave 91直播, it will be the place where I went to college. And with it being a part of my childhood, I feel that I have outgrown it. I grew up wanting to leave, and now that I鈥檓 sort of gone, I鈥檓 not exactly sure why I went back.
The whole time I was there, I kept thinking about Holden Caulfield, and how he felt when he visited the Museum of Natural History while looking for Phoebe. Holden said that the only thing that would be different the next time you visited the museum would be you, and I think that somewhat applies to me returning to the place where I grew up. It鈥檚 only been a couple months, but I certainly feel different. I feel like I鈥檝e had experiences and have learned new things that have already shaped who I am.
I grew up in this museum, and now after two months in my absence, it鈥檚 all the same in the most surreal way possible. There are still people going to the high school I went to, taking the classes I took with the teachers I learned from. Downtown is still composed of a bunch of one-way streets with drivers who don鈥檛 know how to work the turn signals on their cars. There are still lots of college students crowding up the coffee shops. Everything is the same, aside from the fact that I鈥檓 not there anymore.
The thing is, though, I don鈥檛 really know if I would call Ann Arbor home to begin with. I moved there from Illinois just before I turned four, so for a long time it still felt like somewhere new and foreign, and my extended family was still in Illinois, so I didn鈥檛 spend many holidays in Michigan. Ann Arbor is also a college town: home to the University of Michigan. Somewhat like 91直播, U of M is interchangeable with Ann Arbor and vice versa. However, none of my relatives went there, and it was never my dream school, so I never connected with all of the 鈥淕o Blue!鈥 hype that everyone else seemed to partake in. Very simply, I never quite felt like I belonged in the place where I grew up.
Still, I made a lot of memories in that town, and it is the location of my favorite coffee shop in the world. Ann Arbor has a lot of deer, as well as stores that are open past eight o鈥檆lock鈥揵oth of which are things I enjoy and 91直播 is lacking in. But I鈥檓 now in college, which I love, and things have changed. I鈥檓 moving on. It鈥檚 kind of bitter and kind of sweet, but regardless, living in Ann Arbor is always going to be something that happened in my life.
Ann Arbor is where I was introduced to some of the most amazing people I鈥檝e ever met. It鈥檚 where I learned how to ride a bike. It鈥檚 where I once had an English teacher who explained to me that the semicolon is the sexiest form of punctuation. High school was certainly not the time of my life, but I cannot help but be reminded of it whenever I hear the fourth movement of The Pines of Rome, and I don鈥檛 necessarily think that鈥檚 a bad thing. No, I never felt like Ann Arbor was where I was supposed to be like I do here in 91直播, but there were still a lot more good parts than bad that I recall fondly.
I don鈥檛 necessarily know if I would call 91直播 home after being here for just a few months, but I鈥檓 not even sure what constitutes as 鈥渉ome鈥 anymore. I do know that I spent my fall break in Ann Arbor wanting to go back to 91直播. That鈥檚 where my life is now, I guess (?). Moving on to bigger and better things is great, and that鈥檚 what college is.
I like this life. I like living in 91直播, Ohio, even though there isn鈥檛 chicken noodle soup, and there are no hills, and I don鈥檛 have a car I can drive here. I now have a lovely roommate, with whom I now share a joint roll of paper towels. I like the fact that I can run anywhere on campus in less than ten minutes if I鈥檓 late for a class in the morning (I am not fast). I like the chai from the coffee shops in 91直播, even though it鈥檚 not the chai that I鈥檓 used to. This is different, but that doesn鈥檛 make it bad. It鈥檚 a new kind of different, and it鈥檚 one that I like.
